Self-Portrait

Maybe I'm too scared to look at myself
So I paint you someone else–
On the portrait that’s supposedly me
I’m too difficult to see.

I’m an expert with strokes,
Sketching cloaks out of words.
Making traces of importance gaunt
And the meaningless profound.

I’m an expert with color,
Painting words to hide my shadows.
Wielding vulnerability to earn your trust
And hiding pigments of shame under veils of dust.

I hide behind this painting–
Glowing behind the canvas,
No longer restraining,
Screaming to be seen,
Until every pigment, every painting, every brush burns
And all that’s left is–

With my hand stained
With yesterday’s color,
I reach for a brush,
Still scared to look–
And continue to paint.